The 8 guys you 'swipe' across whilst online dating #spon

Saturday, 26 August 2017

As a girl from a part of the UK where a large percentage of males were a part of the young farmer's society, the plethora of males on the dating app I used were sparse. If gilets & plaid shirts are what get you going, Shropshire is where you need to be my friend. So, when I moved to Leeds two years ago, opened up my dating app and saw that there’s more variety than just guys whose bio's contained how many acres of land they’re yet to inherit I was enlightened. It was just like every “you vs the guy she tells you not worry about" meme. I was now living in technicolour. I didn’t go high school with any of them. I had options other than boys that ended up being your friend's third cousin. 

Two years on, oh how I’ve grown, and oh how quickly I can swipe. I’ve mastered the art of the dating app. Some people have actual hobbies, such as sports. I have judging people in 0.2 seconds by the mega pixel of their profile picture. I am the friend whose always made to choose someone's profile picture for them and think of a witty bio. This awfully important life skill must be why Welovedates got in touch to collaborate on this weeks blog post. I’ve seen it all, I’ve had boys compile me long, maybe too thought out poems to, well, the polar opposite. My professional self, in my years studying the online-world of dating, have compiled a list of the types of guys you ‘swipe’ across:


  1. The group shot guy (hint: it’s never the cute one) 
It’s not a dating profile. It’s a puzzle. You swipe through just to double check there’s not one singular picture, why are you such a tease Chad, you better be worth it. There’s one guy in a club group shot whose a little bit of alright, you hope that’s him. It can take multiple minutes to narrow down which ones it could actually be: You knock off the early contenders who don’t appear again after that huge “squad” pic from Zante last year. You’re down to the final three. It’s so hard considering all their jeans are all so tight. Wait…..it’s the one with a wang eye, isn’t it? Shit. You’re not a tease Chad you’re a bloody time waster and you should be ashamed.

2. The one who looks like the absolute spitting of Justin Bieber..oh wait

Gary, 23. Went to Wakefield College. One photo. It is a grainy photo of Justin Bieber from 2014. Nope, yep that’s definitely you Gary. You kinda wanna match with him just to ask if people actually fall for that? 

  1. The club promoter with a lot of muscles and not a lot of personality
He’s very nice to look at. Looks like he’s definitely already considering applying for Love Island next year, and will most likely get through. You can already see it, the muggy-mike of 2018. He works for a night club so half of his photos he’s holding a bottle of grey goose and the other half, he’s got his kit off. You've never seen that many abdominal muscles on a chest before. His bio “Ibiza Rep 2017” makes it very clear he’s probably got a sexually transmitted disease. And his apparent lack of conversation skills and abundance of winky emojis proves it’s all abs and no brains. I’m sorry hun, better luck in the villa.

  1. The guy you know..
You’re swiping left faster than the speed of light when you halt. You’re hit with either a guy you know, or even worse, a guy you’ve already dated, and obviously, not successfully. His bio is quite cringe, letting everyone know he loves “cuddles”. You’re not going to be able to look him in the eye again. You’re given two options. You can just squint, scroll left and pretend you never saw a thing a-la Homer Simpson disappearing into a hedge (I don’t know if you’ll get that reference) or you can brave it out & swipe right. You match, and you have to say something. You will look like a bloody weirdo if you don’t say something. “Fancy seeing you here” is one I would recommend. 

  1. The good time guy
You don’t particularly remember swiping right for this guy, you’re not sure if he’s actually that attractive but boy oh boy does he make up for it in chat. His opening line was of a standard you’ve never seen before and his calibre of funny gifs is A1. His profile photos are all him looking relatively off his tits holding inanimate options and his bio doesn’t particularly make any sense. You kinda just wanna ask if he’s up for going on the razz together, but would he be offended I brought all of my friends along too?

  1. The axe murderer
You swipe left for him because although he looks like he could kill a man, but he’s also remarkably sexy. You work out in the initial message that there’s nothing sexy about being murdered. He manages to phrase, what should be a compliment about your smile into something that makes you want to go to the police. *Unmatches quickly*.

  1. The one who wants one thing.
He looks relatively normal, his face doesn’t raise any particular red flags. The first few messages are relatively normal and then suddenly, well, you’re told rather abruptly what his motives are: doing the sex within the hour. You make it clear your motives aren’t aligned, he doesn’t get that. You kindly tell him to do one and unmatch. However, every one time you go back on the app, he’s always there loitering about. Sling ya hook, Tom.

  1. The world traveller
His main picture is posing with a heavily sedated tiger in Phuket. He still looks terrified. You know full well how the rest of the profile is going to look. Yep. A lot of standing in front of monuments. You’ve checked his Instagram and he’s only just got back. You honestly can’t be bothered to meet and listen to the three-hour shpiel about how he found himself at a full moon party, that, and his tan will be far better than yours.

Welovedates are responsible for dating sites such as: Hertfordshire Dating, Peterborough Dating, Galloway Dating, Hereford Dating & Manchester Dating 




Leather jacket: Zara (years old)
Bag: The Aurora Store
Flared joggers: Pretty Little Thing
Sunglasses: Asos
Trainers: Vans

** this post is sponsored but in no way effects my opinion nor content**


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