If he wanted to, he would

Sunday, 12 August 2018

There’s a couple of rules in the this life I stand by as an 21 year old, full bodied, nostril flaring, low-carb-fearing-woman: 1. hoes don’t get cold (which in retrospect may be false because I did infact get pneumonia this year) (so really, hoes get very cold, actually too cold) 2. If you can’t afford to buy it twice, you can’t afford it once and 3. the reason I’ve put pen to paper, and maybe the most poignant for my fellow unlucky in love youts, “if he wanted to, he would” A simple, 6 word sentence yet so easy to forget.

As women, we do the absolute most for men. And even more so when our womanly intuition starts tingling that a man is taking the piss just a bit. We take up so much of our brain power manipulating a wrong-doing of a man to a more digestable, version of the story that suits us far more, than the, well really, a-bit-shitty-truth, that he just doesn't like you that much. When it really is just as simple as ‘if he wanted to, he would’. If he was incredibly busy but wanted to see you, he would move things around, and he would make it work. If he had commitment issues, but liked you enough, he’d want to make it official. If he hasn’t, he won’t ever. It fits into all scenarios, in all things, at all times. 

You must understand, I say this as the repeat winner of The Biggest Mug and notorious ignorer of the “if he wanted to, he would” movement. In the past I have let myself create narratives to make the men a lot more  than the person they are. I have reworked cheating, unanswered phone calls and texts, not-showing up for dates, and well men being pricks to something far more easy to wrap my head around to than, god forbid a one-sided relationship: they're really stressed at work, It was my fault, I deserved that.

Men are not spectacles to ponder over the deep inner workings of their mind, nor to sit in on a Saturday night to critically assess and justify why they sent that snappy whatsapp at 20:36pm. They are infact very simple creatures, we are the special ones. And the quicker we accept that, the easier we can surpass the men who leave you on read, forget what your favourite song is, and exclaim to you "well you've never told me", when you really have. These men, won’t change, they will never change. And I’m telling you, the moment you put these 6 words into practice you feel like you’ve stumbled across a treasure chest of Gucci that doesn't have a "property of ___" sticker on it.




It’s simple. When it’s right, it’s the easiest thing in the world. And really, I am relieved I got surpassed the least healthy, least mutually beneficial relationship this early onto my twenties, because I now have learnt the most integral lesson which really does boil down to something quite simple. I can safely say, no man will ever fuck with me again, because they won’t ever be given the opportunity to. I will never put myself through something sub-standard, or fill the blanks for someone when they’re giving me the bare minimum. To add in the adjectives to the nouns because he isn’t willing to. 

The second we meet someone and you don't have to make excuses for them, the tapping on the taxi window that you've just drunkenly clambered into, leaning down and telling the taxi driver to "drive safe, she's special'. It's worth it. When you're replaying all the moments in your head because they were special in the first place, not replaying them to re-work them into something special you're onto a good one. And if that doesn't work, that's cool, not everything does but don't you bloody dare then start triple texting the next guy because he hasn't text you back in two days.

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